Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry is a common developmental experience that can range from mild competition to persistent conflict affecting children's emotional well-being, behaviour, and family relationships. While occasional disagreements between siblings are considered normal, unresolved rivalry may contribute to anxiety, aggression, low self-esteem, behavioural difficulties, and strained family dynamics. Play therapy provides children with a developmentally appropriate and evidence-informed approach to expressing emotions, developing emotional regulation, improving problem-solving skills and strengthening relationships within the family.
Understanding Sibling Rivalry
Sibling rivalry refers to competition, jealousy, conflict, or resentment between brothers and sisters. Rivalry commonly emerges during early childhood but may continue throughout adolescence depending on family dynamics and individual personalities.
Children often compete for: parental attention, recognition, resources (toys, possessions, space), independence, or achievement.
Although rivalry is a normal part of family life, prolonged or intense conflict can interfere with healthy emotional and social development.
According to Dunn (2002), sibling relationships are among the longest-lasting relationships individuals experience and significantly influence emotional, cognitive, and social development.
Numerous factors contribute to sibling rivalry, including:
- Developmental differences (Children have different developmental needs and abilities, which may lead to misunderstandings and frustration).
- Birth order (Research suggests birth order can influence children's roles, expectations, and rivalry patterns (Adler, 1927; Sulloway, 1996).
- Temperament (Children with differing temperaments often experience more frequent conflict).
- Perceived parental favouritism (Children who believe parents favour one sibling may experience feelings of rejection, jealousy, or resentment).
Family transitions (Events, such as birth of a new sibling, divorce, relocation, school changes, illness, military deployment, can increase sibling stress and competition).
They might be bored or uninspired and therefore they tend to create conflict to increase energy. The conflict might be a way to regulate boredom.
Conflict between siblings might also be a result of a sibling, who appears as dominant, trying to encourage the sibling who is less dominant.
Psychological Effects of Sibling Rivalry
Persistent sibling conflict may contribute to:
Emotional effects, such as anxiety, sadness, anger, jealousy, loneliness, or shame.
Behavioural effects like aggression, defiance, withdrawal, attention-seeking behaviour, regression, or tantrums.
In terms of social effects, children may struggle with empathy, sharing, cooperation, peer relationships, or conflict resolution.
Research has shown that chronic hostile sibling relationships are associated with increased emotional and behavioural difficulties during childhood and adolescence (Buist, Deković, & Prinzie, 2013).
Why Play Therapy Is Effective
Young children naturally communicate through play rather than words. Through symbolic play, toys become a child's language and play becomes the medium through which they communicate experiences, emotions, and relationships (Landreth, 2012).
Children experiencing sibling rivalry might sometimes say:
"I feel replaced.”
"Nobody listens to me.”
"My brother always gets everything.”
"I wish my sister would leave me alone."
As, emotions like these may appear, Play Therapy provides a safe, accepting environment where children can explore difficult feelings without fear of criticism or punishment.
How Play Therapy Helps
1. Children are free to express difficult emotions
Many children hide feelings of jealousy because they believe these emotions are "bad."
During play therapy, children can safely express: anger, frustration, envy, hurt, fear, or rejection.
Using miniature figures, dolls, puppets, drawing, sand trays, or role-play allows children to externalise emotions that may otherwise remain hidden.
2. Reduces Emotional Overload
Children involved in frequent sibling conflict often experience emotional dis-regulation.
Play therapy supports emotional regulation by helping children to: identify emotions, understand emotional triggers, develop calming strategies, or increase emotional awareness.
Repeated therapeutic experiences strengthen children's capacity for self-regulation.
3. Improves Emotional Regulation
Rather than reacting impulsively through hitting, shouting, biting, or destroying toys, children gradually learn healthier ways of managing strong emotions. These experiences promote healthier coping strategies.
Therapists model self-control, patience, reflection and motional language.
4. Builds Self-Esteem
Sibling rivalry often impacts children's self-confidence when they constantly compare themselves with brothers or sisters.
Children may believe:
"I'm the bad one.”
"She is the favourite.”
"He is smarter than me."
Play therapy focuses on accepting the child without judgement, strengthening self-worth and helping children feel valued for who they are rather than in comparison with siblings.
5. Encourages Perspective-Taking
Play allows children to role-play different family members.
Through symbolic play they begin to understand another person's feelings, different viewpoints and consequences of behaviour.
This strengthens empathy, one of the key protective factors in reducing sibling conflict.
6. Develops Healthy Problem-Solving Skills
Play therapy offers opportunities to practise skills which then can transfer into everyday interactions at home, such as:
Negotiation
Turn-taking
Cooperation
Compromise
Flexible thinking
7. Processes Family Changes
Sibling rivalry often intensifies when significant events occur. For instance birth of a baby, separation or divorce, blended families, bereavement, military deployment.
Play therapy enables children to process these transitions symbolically, reducing confusion and emotional distress.
8. Strengthens Attachment and Security
Many children experiencing rivalry might worry about losing their parents' love.
The consistent therapeutic relationship based on emotional safety, predictability, acceptance and trust helps children develop greater emotional security, which can reduce competitive behaviours.
9. Reduces Aggressive Behaviour
Research indicates that play therapy is effective in reducing behavioural difficulties, including aggression and externalising behaviours (Bratton et al., 2005).
Children gradually replace aggressive responses with more adaptive coping strategies.
10. Improves Family Relationships
Play therapists often work collaboratively with parents.
Parents learn strategies to:
Respond consistently
Reduce comparisons
Validate emotions
Encourage cooperation
Increase positive sibling interactions
Family involvement helps reinforce gains made during therapy.
Therapeutic Techniques Used
Play therapists use a combination of techniques such as:
Child-centred play therapy
Sand tray therapy and sensory play
Puppet play
Family role-play
Art activities
Storytelling and Bibliotherapy
Therapeutic games
Emotion cards
Dollhouse play
Creative visualisation
Each intervention allows children to process family experiences at their own pace and developmental level.
Evidence Supporting Play Therapy
A comprehensive meta-analysis by Bratton et al. (2005) found that play therapy demonstrates moderate to large positive effects across a wide range of childhood concerns, including emotional regulation, behavioural adjustment, and interpersonal functioning. Interventions that actively involved parents showed even stronger outcomes.
Similarly, Lin and Bratton (2015) reported that child-centred play therapy significantly improved children's emotional and behavioural functioning across diverse settings, supporting its effectiveness for children experiencing relational and family difficulties.
Although research specifically examining play therapy for sibling rivalry is limited, evidence from studies on emotional regulation, family relationships, aggression, and attachment suggests that play therapy effectively addresses many of the underlying processes that contribute to sibling conflict.
Practical Benefits for Families
Children who participate in play therapy may demonstrate:
Reduced aggression towards siblings
Improved communication
Greater emotional awareness
Increased empathy
Better frustration tolerance
Improved conflict-resolution skills
Enhanced confidence
Stronger parent-child relationships
More positive sibling interactions
Greater emotional resilience
Conclusion
Sibling rivalry is a normal aspect of family life, but when conflict becomes persistent or emotionally damaging, children may struggle to regulate emotions, develop healthy relationships, and feel secure within the family. Play therapy offers a developmentally appropriate, evidence-based intervention that enables children to communicate difficult emotions through play, strengthen emotional regulation, enhance empathy, and develop healthier ways of relating to siblings. By supporting both the child and the wider family system, play therapy can transform sibling rivalry into opportunities for emotional growth, resilience, and stronger lifelong sibling relationships.
